


nothing under my skin but light

by pidgewings (violentlypan)



Category: Let's Play Cyberpunk Red - Polygon (Web Series)
Genre: Birthday Fluff, Canon-Typical Amnesia, Chatting & Messaging, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I calculated the dollars-eddies conversion ratio, Post-Canon, but also birthday angst, for you!, inspired by the realization that vang0 knows nothing about his own life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:26:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentlypan/pseuds/pidgewings
Summary: burgercha1nz!!! Today at 3:49 PMwell i was thinkingyknow how vang0 feels like we hate him all the timeDasha Today at 3:51 PM…………………????burgercha1nz!!! Today at 3:51 PMwhat if we did something nice for himto show him that we care :)Dasha Today at 3:52 PM………..like what(Or: Vang0 doesn't remember his birthday. Or his age. Or his interests, his likes, his dislikes, the password to his CollegeBoard account. (Well, one of those is less important than the others.) That being said, Burger wants to throw him a birthday party. Dasha is interested, despite herself. A series of assumptions are made, some feelings are hurt, and some lessons are learned.)
Relationships: Burger Chainz & Vang0 Bang0, Dapper Dasha & Burger Chainz, Dapper Dasha & Vang0 Bang0 & Burger Chainz, Vang0 Bang0 & Dapper Dasha
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27
Collections: PCPR Mini Big Bang 2020





	nothing under my skin but light

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to Sam from the PCPR discord for being a fantastic beta reader!
> 
> Accompanied by [this fantastic piece of art from Sophia](https://swaddled-carriage.tumblr.com/post/639327809371832320/perhaps-an-inappropriately-timed-surprise) (@swaddled-carriage on Tumblr!) they're a fantastic artist and it was amazing working with them :D
> 
> Title yoinked from "On Turning Ten" by Billy Collins.

#general-tomfuckery

ur MOM Today at 1:03 AM  
Be Gay Do Crimes -\/B

Dasha Today at 1:04 AM

Go to sleep, Vang0

ur MOM Today at 1:04 AM

ur MOM needs to go to sleep -\/B

Dasha Today at 1:05 AM

**@ur MOM** does need to go to sleep

ur MOM Today at 1:05 AM

i am going to eject you from this triscord -\/B

Dasha Today at 1:06 AM

I have no doubts that you could. But you could ALSO go to sleep

ur MOM Today at 1:07 AM

ur no fun -\/B

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:08 AM

aww, does someone need me to come over for “forceful hug time?”  
  


Dasha Today at 1:08 AM

…

do you mean cuddling???

ur MOM Today at 1:09 AM

he means wrestling. -\/B

Dasha Today at 1:09 AM

ah

how is that conducive to sleep

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:10 AM

what’s conducive?

ur MOM Today at 1:10 AM

its not -\/B

conducive to sleep i mean -\/B

Dasha Today at 1:11 AM

okay i am putting this channel on slow mode until you fucks go to sleep

ur MOM Today at 1:11 AM

ur no fun -\/B (Edited)

Dasha Today at 1:16 AM

no

oh ffs

vang0 you can’t just edit your text over and over again

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:19 AM

good night everyone! <3

\---

@ Dasha ⬤

burgercha1nz!!!! Today at 3:47 PM

hey u in

Dasha Today at 3:47 PM

burger

what does that mean burger

burger what does that mean

in?

in?? in?? in?????

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 3:49 PM

meet me at the van :)

Dasha Today at 3:49 PM

Burger for the love of christ-

I AM ON A JOB I CANNOT MEET YOU AT THE VAN

JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED AND I WILL DO MY BEST TO GET IT TO YOU

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 3:49 PM

well i was thinking

yknow how vang0 feels like we hate him all the time

Dasha Today at 3:51 PM

…………………????

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 3:51 PM

what if we did something nice for him

to show him that we care :)

Dasha Today at 3:52 PM

………..like what

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 3:52 PM

like a present! :D

Dasha Today at 3:53 PM

burgeehiwwwhghd

sorry ignore that

we have no fucking money

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 3:53 PM

we could GET money :D

Dasha Today at 3:54 PM

:pensive: :eyes: :thumbs_up: :knife: :grinning:  
gfukc

can i txte you bakc

sallitlebit of gunfrie

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 3:55 PM

I’ll come help you :)

Dasha Today at 3:57 PM

WAIT NO- 

fuck

-

  
  


Dasha is picking up a new leather jacket (it’s definitely faker-than-fake leather, but sue her, the old one got stained) when she absently notices a pair of heels to her left and wonders if Vang0 would wear heels. Lots of guys do these days. Maybe not Vang0, though; it seems like he doesn’t really give that many fucks about his appearance, and certainly not enough to suffer through those. 

This makes her think about what she’d get Vang0 as a gift, and brings her right back around to her text conversation with Burger the previous week. It’s true; she doesn’t actually have that much disposable income.

She sets the jacket down.

Maybe she should pick up a job or two. 

-

#general-tomfuckery

Badass Business Bitch Today at 8:12 PM

**@Turtleneck Heathen** hey bitch

Turtleneck Heathen Today at 8:14 PM  
wow okay -\/B

Badass Business Bitch Today at 8:14 PM

sorry not sorry

anyway

Do you wear heels

Turtleneck Heathen Today at 8:15 PM

…… -\/B

did u just ping me to ask -\/B

if i -\/B

wore -\/B

heals -\/B

Badass Business Bitch Today at 8:16 PM

*heels

yes i did and do you?

Turtleneck Heathen Today at 8:17 PM

not usually?? ill wear em if its like a big thing or w e i guess -\/B (Edited)

i mean i havnet really had the oprotuntiy to wear em -\/B

Badass Business Bitch Today at 8:19 PM

are you _intentionally misspelling words_ to make yourself seem cooler to me??

Vang0 I watched you lick a stranger’s nose

Turtleneck Heathen Today at 8:20 PM

i was literally trying to coerce him to give me information -\/B

Badass Business Bitch Today at 8:21 PM

YOU WERE LITERALLY LICKING A STRANGERS NOSE

denim baby :) Today at 8:23 PM

I bit a man’s nose off once! :D

It tasted really bad

Badass Business Bitch Today at 8:24 PM

burger what the fuck

i cant believe you

denim baby :) Today at 8:26 PM

Are you proud of me?

Badass Business Bitch Today at 8:27 PM

...Server help us all, yes I am

Turtleneck Heathen Today at 8:28 PM

clearly dasha is feeling an emotion and is unable to parse it -\/B

Badass Business Bitch Today at 8:28 PM

fuck you, no i’m not

-

Burger’s birthday is that weekend, so Dasha does end up picking up a simple job. Some dude can’t contact his girlfriend, and, unsurprisingly, Dasha finds her out having a drink (and a heavy flirt) with another girl. She doesn’t bother taking a picture or anything like that. Just lets her know her boyfriend’s at home looking for her.

Dasha doesn’t know her situation, and the girl doesn’t volunteer it; instead drapes herself over Dasha’s arm and asks if she can buy her a drink. She’d spent all her money on the cover charge, so she pats the girl on the shoulder and tells her she doesn’t drink on the job, and could she text her boyfriend? 

Anyway, Dasha leaves that encounter with a fair few eddies in her account— 15 is enough to cover the charge of a pretty nice electric blanket that holds a charge for a few hours, because she knows when it gets cold Burger’s tongue sticks to his own jaw. She isn’t going to bother wrapping it, but then she remembers how excited he gets unboxing packages and reconsiders.

All told, he’s thrilled to receive the blanket, and she casts a sideways glance at Vang0. He’s staring at the material in Burger’s hands with an expression she can’t quite glean the meaning of, as Burger waxes rhapsodic over how much he’s going to enjoy the ever-present heat. She sets to puzzling over that for a bit.

-

@ burgercha1nz!!! ⬤

Dasha Today at 12:03 AM

BURGER I FIGURED IT OUT

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 12:07 AM

I’m proud of you!

What did you figure out?

Dasha Today at 12:08 AM

why vang0 was so upset at your birthday party!

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 12:09 AM

Vang0 was upset?? D:

Dasha Today at 12:09 AM

yes but thats not the point

the point is that vang0 has clearly never had a birthday party 

right? or if he has he cant remember it

you and i both grew up with loving families

or pseudo loving anyway

my family did all the traditional stuff from pre-corp wars right so i still had birthday parties with like trampolines and stuff

and your family also did the traditional stuff but like way more chill right? i remember u telling me abt the birthday cake your mom made with real fresh milk and eggs and flour

but vang0 doesn’t remember his family or his childhood

if he had a birthday party he wouldn’t even know it

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 12:14 AM

Oh that makes sense!

When is Vang0’s birthday?

Dasha Today at 12:15 AM

……

FUCK

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 12:16 AM

Okay, we don’t know that so let’s start with something easier

How old will be be turning

Dasha Today at 12:16 AM

BURGER I HAVE NO IDEA

HE LOOKS LIKE HES IN HIS MID TWENTIES BUT I HAVE NO CLUE

I DONT KNOW THAT HE KNOWS EITHER BURGER

BURGER HOW DO WE DO THIS

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 12:17 AM

Okay well let’s see we can figure it out I bet

Why don’t we just ask him

-

_For all that I’m a fixer, I am supremely bad at this_ , Dasha thinks as she leans over the back of Vang0’s chair in his apartment, having invited herself in courtesy of lockpicks. (She locked it again afterwards. She’s not an animal.) “Vang000000000.”

“Dashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,” Vang0 returns, seemingly unbothered by her sudden presence in his apartment. “What do you want.”

“Well, I just—”

“And also, uh— and also if I could know how you got in here.”

“The door. Anyway, Vang0—”

“Look, can you come back later? I’m _gaming,_ Dasha.”

Dasha huffs out a sigh and says “Vang0, when’s your birthday?”

The game freezes on its pause screen. Vang0 twists in his chair to look at her. He’s got on these pink sunglasses with heart-shaped eyes, rhinestones around the frame. They’re ugly as sin, but Dasha isn’t surprised he’s managing to make them look good. “Uh— why do you need to know?”

“Curiosity,” she says. “Humor me.”

Dasha can _see_ the human perception checks rolling in his eyes. There’s a pause. “Look, I don’t— I don’t know.”

“You don’t—”

“I woke up in a fucking warehouse, Dasha, you think I remember my _birthday_?” He stands up, gives her a truly impressive scowl, and slinks off to his room before slamming the door.

She tries the knob. It doesn’t turn— he’s wedged something under it.

She leaves the apartment.

-

@ burgercha1nz!!! ⬤

Dasha Today at 1:19 PM

nothings WORKING

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:24 PM

How much have you tried

Dasha Today at 1:26 PM

well i went over to his apartment and asked

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:27 PM

And?

Dasha Today at 1:30 PM

it went BADLY

he didnt kick me out

but he got upset

and he locked himself in his room

and i had to leave

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:33 PM

That sounds weird for him

Did you do something

Dasha Today at 1:35 PM

...i MAY have broken in

but thats normal!!! we do that all the time!!!

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:36 PM

Vang0 does it to his _own_ door

We dont do it to each other

Dasha Today at 1:37 PM

you broke down my door once!  
  


burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:37 PM

Once

And it was because your apartment was burning down

Dasha Today at 1:38 PM

technicalities

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:38 PM

Your fancy words dont scare me anymore

I learned how to google words

Dasha Today at 1:40 PM

…

dont know whether to be proud or horrified or extremely tired

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:40 PM

can i vote for proud

Dasha Today at 1:41 PM

you can’t vote for anything, you’re not a citizen

anyway

we need to do this party for vang0

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:43 PM

Okay what if

We could figure out a date thats important to him

And celebrate it then

Dasha Today at 1:44 PM

BURGER YOU’RE A GENIUS

I CAN JUST BREAK INTO HIS ZOOGLE CALENDAR

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:45 PM

Thats not quite what i meant but yknow what

Im sure this wont go wrong

Go for it

Dasha Today at 1:45 PM

making me second guess it, burger

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 1:45 PM

Sorry

-

Normally, even though Vang0 is the tech guy, Dasha can get into things pretty okay. 

Of course she has backup plans. Backup plan A goes like this:  
  


  1. Steal his agent
  2. Catch him while he’s playing Sixnite or some equally inane game
  3. Ask him to hack it
  4. He probably won’t even look at it and just break in
  5. Profit



Backup plan B, failing that, goes:

  1. Get Burger to ask him



Backup plan C goes:  
  


  1. Come up with another backup plan



So she’s pretty much set.

She tries the obvious options first. 

_password._ _password1. qwertyuiop. vang0_bang0. vang0bang0. letmethefuckin. fuckingletmeINyoustupidpieceofcrap. GETMEINTOTHISDUMBAGENT._

Burger pokes his head in. 

“Going okay?”

She looks up from where she’s been just about growling at the agent. “Yeah,” she grits out. “It’s all going _fine._ ”

“Having a tough time?” He sits next to her without asking, leans over.

“N— naaaah. I’m good. I got it.” She tries _opensesame._ “FUCK.”

“Let me try,” he says. Takes it gently from her hands. Punches in a few numbers and letters and hands it back to her, opened.

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me—” she snarls. Takes a deep breath before she hurls it across the apartment. Thumbs over until she hits one end of the screen, then scrolls back the other way to find the damn calendar app.

“You seem pretty worked up,” Burger observes.

“No fucking _shit-_ ” Inhale, exhale. “I mean— I’m— sorry, Burger. I’m just stressed. This whole birthday planning thing has snowballed a little bit.”

She flicks back through the calendar. The app is there, but it’s blank, blank, blank, blank, blank until she hits a certain date: early June, a couple of years ago, a single event is logged. No information— not even a title— just a little brick of yellow. 

It’s May. They have some time to prepare. 

-

AWOOGABOOGA Today at 4:09 AM

all right motherfuckers -\/B

who took my fucking agent -\/B

gurgleburgle! Today at 5:22 AM

Nobody

I mean 

Is your agent missing

this is stupid Today at 10:49 AM

im starting to worry for your health

AWOOGABOOGA Today at 10:50 AM

fuck my health -\/B

did you take my fucking agent dasha -\/B

this is stupid Today at 10:51 AM

...no?

have you checked your bedstand

AWOOGABOOGA Today at 10:52 AM

what the metric fuck it was missing last night -\/B

gurgleburgle! Today at 10:53 AM

I didnt do anything

AWOOGABOOGA Today at 10:53 AM

okay but you have to understand -\/B

that makes me INSTANTLY suspicious of you -\/B

this is stupid Today at 10:54 AM

anyway

can we go back to discussing ur shit sleep habits

AWOOGABOOGA Today at 10:54 AM

no - \/B

this is stupid Today at 10:54 AM

well!

okay then

way to end the conversation

you know what this reminds me of?

the “yes and” thing

_[Deleted message]_

AWOOGABOOGA Today at 10:55 AM

what the fuck is improv -\/B

gurgbleburgle! Today at 10:55 AM

Wait, what is improv?

this is stupid Today at 10:56 AM

…

……

……….nevermind

forget i said anything

improv doesn’t exist

-

The following Monday finds Dasha at a Cray-Z Party store (the successor to Party City, of course.) She’s there while it’s actually _open,_ for once, which feels distinctly uncomfortable in a way that is only topped by the sheer ambiance of the place, which is to say: it has none. 

Fluorescent lights (seriously! What decade are they _from_ ??) light the ceiling in a way that makes her feel distinctly _seen,_ and she swears she’s seen no less than seven security cameras. Moreover, there’s just… _stuff._ Walls and walls and walls of _stuff._ All of which is totally unnecessary. 

It’s not her first time in a Cray-Z Party. It’s just… been a while. She’s taller now, knows a lot more about the world. It helps that she’s also, like, fifteen years older.

A violently-green leprechaun stares down at her with crossed eyes and an open, bucktoothed smile. She didn’t know people still _celebrated_ Saint Patrick’s Day. 

Dasha navigates to what she hopes is a birthday-esque situation happening over in the center back of this oversaturated hellscape and gazes up at the rows and rows and rows of birthday hats.

Leopard print.

Blue and red sparkling houndstooth.

Glow in the dark pink-orange-yellow tartan.

She scowls up at them all. “Fucking _hedonists,_ ” she says under her breath. Nearby, a small fair-haired toddler in a princess gown stares openly at her.

She almost snaps at the child before pausing. 

“Hey, kid. Can you help me pick three of these for my friends?”

-

@ Dasha ⬤

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:44 PM

I really like the hats you picked out

They’re very loud

Dasha Today at 10:47 PM

thanks

do you think vang0 will like his

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:49 PM

Why wouldnt he

Dasha Today at 10:49 PM

well it’s not as loud as he usually likes 

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:49 PM

Isnt that the one with light up swirly font letters

Dasha Today at 10:50 PM

yeah it’s incredibly ugly lmao

the girl at the store really seemed to like it though

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:50 PM

Well im glad you got help from a kind salesperson

Dasha Today at 10:51 PM

yep that was what she was

a salesperson

very kind

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:52 PM  
Were doing gifts right

Dasha Today at 10:52 PM

if i ever answer that question with no you can safely assume i have been replaced by a fake dasha

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:52 PM

What are you planning to get him

Dasha Today at 10:53 PM

…

a gift

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:53 PM

Okay but what kind of gift

I was thinking of getting him a candle

Dasha Today at 10:53 PM

where the fuck are you gonna get a candle??

it’s not 2018, burger

you gonna fuckin’ make the wax yourself???

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:54 PM

What do you mean you cant get candles

Dasha Today at 10:54 PM

it’s not idaho, burger, you can’t just fuckin’ buy candles

you know how to google search

look up “bee extinction 2038”

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:58 PM

YOU KILLED THE BEES

Dasha Today at 10:58 PM

yeah

well not _me_ specifically

but humanity yeah

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:59 PM

We have to give them a funeral

Dasha Today at 10:59 PM

a _what_

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 10:59

A funeral

Like where you mourn a dead person

Do you not have funerals

Dasha Today at 11:00 PM

yes we have funerals

you want to throw one for… all of bees??

beekind??????

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 11:00 PM

They deserve a funeral

Dasha Today at 11:00 PM

can we focus on one event at a time

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 11:01 PM

Can i give vang0 a bee for his birthday

Dasha Today at 11:01 PM

do you feel like going all the way to fucking oregon just to find a bee??? 

because that is the only place they exist anymore

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 11:01 PM

:(

Dasha Today at 11:01 PM

i think vang0 might like something functional?? 

like clothes or weapons or furniture

you know that apartment of his is _bare_

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 11:03 PM

Im gonna buy him a rocking horse

Dasha Today at 11:03 PM

literally WHY would he need a rockign horse

-

Dasha’s standing in front of a massive rack of the gaudiest things she could find at the thrift shop, having an existential crisis.

“Can I help you with anything, miss?” some maybe-kind sales associate asks her.

Ah, isn’t that always the question. “Do you have anything in size dumbass?” she asks, and the sales associate laughs.

“Well, let me know if you need anything!”

Come on, it was a legitimate question.

She picks up a cropped sweater with holo stitching and a digital display on its chest. Pictures Vang0 wearing it. Puts it down.

Fuck, why are people so _hard to shop for?_

Burger had decided that he wanted to try some weird tacky souvenir— Dasha half hopes he comes back with a snow globe just so she can laugh at it— but she figures clothing is The Way To Go, here. She just needs a—

ooh, is that a bomber jacket—

nope, nope, that isn’t his style at all. Hers, yeah. But she already _has_ a bomber jacket. She doesn’t need a—

oh, it’s only ten eddies…

— nope, nope, she doesn’t need it. “You’re better than this,” she tells herself quietly.

“Did you need something?” the sales associate from before asks from far too close to her shoulder, and she yelps and spins and almost decks them flat. 

“Nope!” she squeaks out, about an octave higher than she entirely means to. “I’m— all good! All good over here. Thank you so much.”

“Okay, let me know if you need anything!”

Fuck, this is worse than a fucking _Claire’s._ She has to get out of here. 

She picks up something at random. They’re a pair of combat-style boots, kind of, if combat boots had big chunky platforms and went up to the knee. They also happen to be a holographic neon purple with rainbow sparkling shoelaces.

Perfect. 

She forks over the eddies (holy _shit,_ it’s like, twenty eddies for a pair) and makes her escape.

Fuckin’ super.

-

@ burgercha1nz!!! ⬤

Dasha Today at 11:27 PM

hey di dyou get your stuff

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 11:29 PM

Sure did

Dasha Today at 11:29 PM

whatd you get

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 11:30 PM

I had to leave the store because i was disrupting people

So i got him a fidget spinner from walmart

Dasha Today at 11:43 PM

……………………..a fucking

you fucking

a 

you

i

fidge, , fidget spiner?? 

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 11:44 PM

Yeah its really cool and has blades at the ends

Dasha Today at 11:44 PM

…..

god burger you are the best i love you SO much

im so proud of you

burgercha1nz!!! Today at 11:45 PM

Thank you

-

They meet up outside his apartment the day of. Wrapped gifts, party hats— Dasha isn’t wearing hers because she refuses to wear that shag-carpet monstrosity outside of the actual apartment (it has googly eyes,) but Burger proudly sports his velveteen, eye-searingly yellow traffic cone hat. 

Dasha knocks and waits.

Nobody comes to the door.

They swap a glance, and Burger says cautiously, “You think he’s at home?”

“I can’t imagine where else he’d be,” Dasha says. “I mean, he doesn’t exactly have a social life.”

Burger tries knocking, this time. “Hey, Vang0, everything okay in there, buddy?”

When there’s no response, Dasha only fights her impatience down for ten seconds before yelling through the door, “Hey, we’re coming in!” and starting in on the lock. It hasn’t been changed since the last time she, ah, broke in, and it’s not hard for her to remember the steps for this one. 

The door swings open, revealing… an empty apartment.

Or nearly an empty apartment, anyway. There’s a muffled voice from the couch. “Shut the door, assholes.”

Burger shuts it, and Dasha catches a glimpse of the concern in his human eye. “You good there, Vang0?”

“Leave me alone,” Vang0 grumbles. As Dasha rounds the couch, she can start to see why he sounds so quiet; his face is muffled in an old pillow, his one (1) blanket half-thrown over him, tangled in his legs. She opens her mouth to say something, but Burger beats her to it.

“Hey, are you doing okay? We just, we figured— well, it’s kind of dumb, but we wanted to throw you a birthday party, and we figured that this would be a good day to throw one, but we can leave you alone if you—”  
  


Vang0 sits upright and his gaze flickers between the two of them before resting on Dasha for a moment. His eyes are dark in the shadows cast off his tangled hair. “I fucking— is that what that was about?”

“This was the only date with anything on it in your calendar,” Dasha says, sort of helplessly; she doesn’t quite know how to explain the pell-mell sequence of events that led them here, holding gift wrapped boxes, wearing/holding atrociously colored party hats. “We figured it was a good place to start.”

“I fucking told you—” Vang0 grimaces. “Get out. Just— _god_ , just, just get out of here.”

“What’s going on, bud?” Burger presses gently before Dasha can tell him not to, and Vang0’s eyes snap to him.

“I just— how would _you_ fucking feel if it’s been _three fucking years_ with not a _single_ lead, Burger? Huh? Can you just fucking—” He gets up, and for one blinding moment Dasha thinks he’s going to hit Burger, and moves to stop him—

but he just pushes angrily past them and slams the door. 

The apartment shudders with the force of it, and then it’s just the two of them, standing in still silence, wearing the dumbest fucking hats known to mankind.

-

@ Vang0_Bang0 ⬤

Dasha Today at 3:09 AM

vang0?

hey, bud, i just wanna check on you

Vang0_Bang0 Today at 3:42 AM

leave me alone dasha

im srs

Dasha Today at 3:43 AM

i dont wanna pry im just worried

i havent seen you in days

Vang0_Bang0 Today at 3:43 AM

maybe i dont want u to see me

Dasha Today at 3:43 AM

were all worried abt you vang0

we didnt mean to stir up bad memories and u arent obligated to see us or anything

i just want to apologize and ask if i can help

Vang0_Bang0 Today at 3:44 AM

fuck off

Dasha Today at 3:44 AM

can you at least try and stream this week so we know yr alive

please

Dasha Today at 4:32 AM

we love you, vang0

-

Vang0_Bang0 is live: COOL SIXNITE TRICKS (NOT CLICKBAIT)

Welcome to the chat room!

⚔☆ burger_cha1nz: Good to see you live vang0!

☆ beesbeesthrees: we’re live again?? oml i thought he was dead

brushybrushpen: damn dude u need better guns

☆ stickofgun: you missed a loot crate

aceofspades: dude what is your camera it’s so bad

brushybrushpen: i think he uses an ocular camera

☆ beesbeesthrees: yeah pretty sure

⚔☆ burger_cha1nz: Yeah he uses an ocular camera the info is in the description :)

aceofspades: is that why it’s so shitty

⚔☆ burger_cha1nz: Be nice or i’ll boop you

☆ stickofgun: wow that was fast

🎥 Vang0_Bang0: sorry to cut the stream early bye folks -\/B

⚔☆ burger_cha1nz: Bye vang0!

☆ thedapperestdasha: hey vang0?

☆ thedapperestdasha: thanks. this means a lot

-

Dasha’s about to pull a gun on the shadowy figure sitting on her table when she realizes it’s Vang0. 

“Hey, Dasha.” His voice is even. “Sorry for breaking in.”

Dasha tries her best to mimic his calm collected exterior. “I figure it’s only fair.”

“Look, I don’t know my birthday.” _Cutting to the chase,_ she thinks. “And realistically, that’s not going to change. The birthday you gave me was the day I woke up in a warehouse. What you did was- a major violation of my privacy.”

Dasha doesn’t say anything to that. What’s there to say? Any apology would sound empty. Excuses would hurt more than help. She waits him out. He waits her out.

“I don’t want us to stop being friends over this,” she says finally. “If you’ll have me.”

Vang0 pauses. Dasha can almost see the loading screen spin.

“Depends on what you got me as a present,” he says finally. A hint of a smile brushes at the corners of his lips.

Dasha stares for a second before throwing her head back into a full laugh.

Yeah, they’d be okay. 

-

capitalism Today at 11:19 PM

omg -\/B

BURGER -\/B

this is the BEST im gonna open a BUSINESS and MANUFACTURE THIS SHIT -\/B

police Today at 11:20 PM

Do you like it

I wasnt sure whether to get you the one with blades or the one that lit up

capitalism Today at 11:20 PM

THERE ARE LIGHT UP ONES -\/B

dasha dasha dasha dasha dasha dasha dsahsa dahsa dhasa dahssa -\/B

gender roles Today at 11:23 PM

can i help you

capitalism Today at 11:24 PM

DASHA we need more jobs so we can earn MONEY so we can buy FIDGET SPINNERS -\/B

gender roles Today at 11:24 PM

vang0

your nickname is “capitalism” right now

because you decided you hated capitalism the most out of any of us

and here you are

asking for more labor in a capitalistic society

to spend your money on fleeting pleasures

capitalism Today at 11:25 PM

SACRIFICES HAVE TO BE MADE DASHA -\/B

I NEED THE SPINNERS DASHA -\/B

THEY MAKE FUN NOISES AND HAVE A GOOD WEIGHT AND I CAN CUT PEOPLES THROATS -\/B

police Today at 11:26 PM

I feel like dasha taught me a thing for this 

Oh yes

I have created a monster

gender roles Today at 11:26 PM

i’m proud of you

capitalism Today at 11:26 PM

i need… More. Fidget spinner -\/B (Edited)

gender roles Today at 11:27 PM

i bet you can get them printed

capitalism Today at 11:27 PM

WHO OWNS A 3D PRINTER IM GOING TO THEIR APARTMENT IMMEDIATELY -\/B

police Today at 11:28 PM

Are we breaking into peoples apartments

Im very down for that

gender roles Today at 11:28 PM

leave me out of this one 

capitalism Today at 11:28 PM

yuore no fun -\/B

gender roles Today at 11:29 PM

someone needs to stay outside so they can break u out of jail

police Today at 11:29 PM

Are we doing a prison break :D

gender roles Today at 11:29 PM

i mean IDEALLY not but if it needs to happen

capitalism Today at 11:29 PM

can i be the prison guard -\/B

gender roles Today at 11:30 PM

no youre the one in prison

capitalism Today at 11:30 PM

thats mean and im blcokgin you and unfollowing thanks bye -\/B

police Today at 11:30 PM

Dont block dasha :(

gender roles Today at 11:30 PM

yeah i’m the one whos gonna get you a job so you can pay for fidget spinners

capitalism Today at 11:31 PM

atrocious -\/B

wheres the job -\/B

gender roles Today at 11:31 PM

anyone feel like serving court documents to a corporate ceo who might have committed mass homicide

police Today at 11:31 PM

Ill commit mass homicide on him back

capitalism Today at 11:31 PM

thats the spirit -\/B

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this quick fic! If you did, please consider dropping a comment or kudos :)


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